Thank you for following little me as I go about each day on my adventures!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

stressful summer

I've been away far too long, and I apologize.

The past few months have been so painful and filled with anxiety and stress.
Some dark, dark days people.
My poor mother has been in and out of Hospital six times in the past two months.
Her condition has been increasingly fragile and I have had to prepare myself for what is essentially, the end.
She has heart failure, kidney failure, has suffered a heart attack, pnuemonia, fluid in her lungs and most recently, a blood clot.
It's been a helluva ride.
Each time I'm told it's gonna be the end and each time she manages to bounce back.

She is a strong woman, that one.
I can only hope that I follow suit and don't go so easily into that good night...

Needless to say (but I'm gonna anyway) I've been devestated at the thought of losing her.
I keep begging God for more time (and He has thus far been gracious enough to extend me some) and I have been trying to make the most of each and every day with her.

Some days are better than others.

The biggest challenge for me has been my own head.
The thoughts and fears that grip me and the back and forth of being in mourning and then...not.

I am emotionally exhausted.
Having my little girl to think about has kept me from completely falling apart.
For that too, I am very grateful.


  1. Hi Eva, so sorry to hear of your Mum illness and all you've been trough,the inevitable that you fear..
    Enjoy everyday as it shows itself to you, one breath at a time,
    I know how much you love and admire your Mum, it can't be easy... .I want to send you lots of love and my prays, may God give you the strength and courage for you to better cope and enjoy every .... best wishes for better days,

  2. hi, eva.

    you don't know me; i found your blog just today via a link on "dottie angel" and feel compelled to say ...

    i am sorry to hear of your mother's health problems and the struggles you are facing. at some point in our lives we face those things or realize they will happen, given our humanity and time, so you are not alone. may you know you are not alone, that God is always with you and you can rely on Him. may you and your family have medical professionals (when needed and hopefully that's very little) and plenty of friends for guidance and listening ears and caring hearts and casseroles and hugs ... whatever is needed. and may you know that other people who read your blog (like me) say prayers that you, your mother, your daughter and the rest of your family have guidance and peace, strength and joy, laughter and time.

    best wishes.
    ("anonymous" because i don't have a blog)