Thank you for following little me as I go about each day on my adventures!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

stressful summer

I've been away far too long, and I apologize.

The past few months have been so painful and filled with anxiety and stress.
Some dark, dark days people.
My poor mother has been in and out of Hospital six times in the past two months.
Her condition has been increasingly fragile and I have had to prepare myself for what is essentially, the end.
She has heart failure, kidney failure, has suffered a heart attack, pnuemonia, fluid in her lungs and most recently, a blood clot.
It's been a helluva ride.
Each time I'm told it's gonna be the end and each time she manages to bounce back.

She is a strong woman, that one.
I can only hope that I follow suit and don't go so easily into that good night...

Needless to say (but I'm gonna anyway) I've been devestated at the thought of losing her.
I keep begging God for more time (and He has thus far been gracious enough to extend me some) and I have been trying to make the most of each and every day with her.

Some days are better than others.

The biggest challenge for me has been my own head.
The thoughts and fears that grip me and the back and forth of being in mourning and then...not.

I am emotionally exhausted.
Having my little girl to think about has kept me from completely falling apart.
For that too, I am very grateful.